Birth of True Mental SincerityWith its birth the mind will understand that it is only an intermediary and not an end in itself.
Melampodium paludosum
Small single yellow compositae flower with a dark brown centre; borne in leafy cymes. A long-blooming perennial herb.
As I said in my previous post, I was led to believe that a "meditative condition" could be installed in our quotidian and could have as much value as sitting in meditation.
Jiddu Krishnamurty described an "immediateness" which was out of reach normally and an aspect of meditation, a "Here and Now" that could be inscribed into a meditative condition, the zen monk too enhanced the small daily activities as conducing to perception of Reality and Satori, so I had a certain ground and understood the reason why Sri Aurobindo wanted to extended his meditation through the day as a steady, unmovable condition. I was not emulating anyone, I had an urge, and perfectly understood that meditation had to be a "personal experience".
But I had not the easiness of the Silence Sri Aurobindo almost immediately had.
My mind was undisciplined, and I soon discovered sitting still in meditation was not an activity for me and I had to search for some solution.
There was not much that could be done, the only other worth solution was the Here and Now.
Even that at the beginning would not work or not completely, before I could realize it I was already somewhere else with my mind but here and now.
So I had to impose myself a certain "over-control", figuratively as someone observing the mind to take it back on the "here and now" whenever it distracted itself.
With the time I discovered always less necessity to remind the mind of the necessity of the here and now and it become almost a self-discipline of the mind, a self-assumed attitude which would present itself spontaneously.
What I gained was that the attitude was worth in whatever other circumstance, though at a certain stage I had not a clear control of it especially when dealing with larger mass of people, there I discovered I could be easily influenced by a certain "average distraction" to which I would easily connect or resonate with.
But I could observe even this fact could be progressively come under control.
I had not give up completely sitting in meditation. Sometimes I would, but it had something of spontaneous, I would sit only if I felt doing it, but never as an obligation.
Without noticing it in advance, or even knowing about it, later I discovered that this activity of the here and now, this observer always impartially and objectively present there at any time, had given way to another process in which, this observer in the surface tuned with or even overlapped a deeper inner being, and though at the beginning it was not a clear perception, with the time yes there was no doubt anymore that an inner, central being was there, and unwillingly, I had discovered that remaining in the here and now could finally produce an identification of the surface observer with that inner being, a progressive process of fusion, or even absorption into.
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