Something unexpected happened: I felt as I was drawning into a space less soup of brilliant atoms rather than water, when I got out I felt as millions of ants were circling over my body directing towards my head, suddenly my consciousness was fired up and I found it had settled in a point without dimensions at about half meter over my physical head. A single point of endless purity.
At the same moment a deep ecstasy took hold of my whole being, circular waves of joy sprang forth from my heart melting in the surrounding, as answering to it, from every point around me circular waves of joy reached my heart as waves of a sea hitting the shores of an island, when each wave reached the heart, the ecstasy renewed itself incessantly.
It was not my first ecstasy, but this time I could move while all the previous ones required a complete stillness in asana and the interruption of the breathing function.
In that condition I tried to dress up again and walk back to the temple, it was a bit funny because the body seemed weightless, as it almost floated on the path way back to the refreshing shadows of the temple.
I sat in asana against the stone wall, never an ecstasy had lasted so much, I had not any control of it, I just surrendered to the rapture of Joy.
My mind was still and thoughtless, it was impossible to formulate a single thought, there was only a formidable, unmovable silence.
The physical vision too had somehow stepped over my head, from there I could see the physical body below, my vision changed to a range of 360 degrees, a circular vision which allowed me to see whatever was around me and at my back.
The temple was filled with an eternal Presence, time and eternity overlapped and a mute ecstasy was the only seemingly activity of life within and without.
When I realized it, it was already sunset, the day had gone as in a few seconds, I was still unmoving in the same position than when I sat, had had no water or food but I didn´t need whatever.
The Master said it was the Purusha when, after a considerable effort to formulate words, a being at the centre of my heart, talking to that eternal Presence said:
Why just me ?
It remembered children and old men searching for food in the rubbish, lives severed by the plague, a miserable life which had no solution, I was young and rich and healthy, and a deep joy was now the essence of my existence, but I found it ethically unacceptable, it would have been better that such miserable lives could be blessed by that joy at least as a compensation for their misery.
The being at the centre of my heart said again:
I cannot accept this. I want to get down to earth from here, I renounce to this, at my death it can come back if so it has to be, but while I live, I will spend the rest of my life trying to remove such misery.
Somehow I "knew" that if so I wished, so far I surrendered to that Joy I could remain in that bliss forever, but right there and then a choice had been made which would affect the rest of my life. There was no turning back from that decision.
It took hours for my consciousness to be removed from that higher seat.
Awake by the pond, in the stillness of the night, the words of Sri Aurobindo came back to my memory: It is not for us we do this yoga but for the earth, this is the Yoga of the Earth.
Oh Master, how true now sound your words! I´ve been searching for a personal realization only to discover it is not enough and never will. It is not me who has to change but the whole world with me, otherwise it has no purpose!
It seamed to me almost an escape, I could live in that bliss, but that bliss in no way was going to change the misery around me, to a man of action as I was that Joy was circumstantial and almost purposeless for such aim.
My consciousness was finally back at its previous seat, and I knew the life of a sadhu I had been living for the last six months had reach an abrupt end.
Without regretting anything I took my bag and went away loosing myself in the night.
Without regretting anything I took my bag and went away loosing myself in the night.
