I hold a clear memory of my first moments on earth. After sixty years I can still recall the experience in full details.
At that moment I was a conscious witness with a deep perception of things, but I had no vocabulary for what I saw, I could see a cloud but I had no name for it or for everything else, just a blank observer.
Next is what I experienced once translated into a language:
I appeared as a bodiless point of consciousness floating on the top floor of a building, it was early dawn and dark clouds where recollecting in the sky menacing with an autumnal storm.
Far in the distance the grey, almost black mantle of clouds was wounded by a neat cut which opened on a far-off world of everlasting light, sending a recordatory of it through the dark assemblage of clouds.
I could see kind of silvery features, kind of strings floating in the air coming from the buildings around, later on I understood it was related with the presence of human beings sleeping and dreaming.
Suddenly I was aspired within the building, I passed through pink, half illuminated human fluids and floated again, this time into a room.
I was now levitating close to the roof of the room where some white globes shaded some light, below me I could see a woman laying in a bed surrounded by four or five people all in white dress and very strong focuses of light illuminating the scene.
I moved towards one of the windows, again I could see the dark clouds and could ear the first heavy drops of rain beating the glasses.
Suddenly a terribly strong thunder resounded all over, I noticed the reaction of the people and some comment, a woman in white was holding a little human body by its feet beating him on his buttocks, that action produced a sudden angry reaction and the little body started to cry, the woman in the bed stretched out her arms and took the baby over her breast, and I was suck into the little body by the tender action of the woman, which was my mother.
Since then, the approaching autumnal clouds always recall me of my first moments on earth.
In the following months it started a process of identification -rather an integration- with that little body and with an incipient baby-consciousness other than myself, at the beginning I could clearly mark a difference, later on all the centers would overlap as a single unity of consciousness, oftentimes I would simply float over the little body observing it with curiosity and concern, the baby had a developing consciousness of its own and could feel my invisible presence babbling at my direction, sometimes I would be inside the body experiencing it from within, but in the course of time our identification grew more and more.
I could register whatever relevant and still hold in my memory many such happenings of my early months.
For the matter of explaining my inner life and my early interest for yoga, I remember an event which happened when I was only ten months old, I could not walk with security yet on my legs and alternated going on hands and knees.
I was a keen observer, and my little mind could already plan some strategy for my own benefit, it was summertime and I noticed that in the afternoon everybody at home would fall asleep for a while, but if I was awake there was always someone on guard for me, so I started simulate sleeping and wait for everybody else asleep, then I would silently leave the bed and venture myself out in the garden. I really enjoyed experiencing life in the garden all by myself.
That afternoon I ventured a bit farther till I reached a wall of the garden where I discovered a kennel for a dog which had probably died time before, because I never met a dog in the garden.The kennel imitated a tiny house, with its roof and even a window and an arched entrance.
Of course, the new discovery attracted my attention and I stepped in on my knees.
I felt very comfortable in that little house, and after exploring it I sat down crossed legs on the floor.
The gentle breeze stirred the leaves of the trees drawing on the ground a shadow play which attracted my attention with delight: the fine weather, the whisper of the leaves, the air suddenly invaded by the buzz of the flies... all conspired to make me feel extremely comfortable.
While observing the changing spectacle on the floor I was rapt by its beauty
and absorbed more and more into a deep ecstasy, melting away in it.
I was called back later on by the worried voices of my mother and aunts, which after their sleep had miss me.
I babbled some incoherent sound as an answer and a moment later the smiling face of my mother peered through the entrance stretching her arms towards me.
There was not any rebuke, instead they brought me back home from arms to arms and lips to lips kissing and cheering me all the way back because I was the darling of the house.
Somehow, that early ecstasy was already pointing out the trajectory of my life, but of course, at that moment I had not idea of later developments.
***
As I have observed in my life and compared with biographical notes from Sri Aurobindo, Vivekananda and Ramakrishna, as well in autobiographies of cristian saints, ecstasy is progressive, in its first development it requires the stillness of the body, respiration is suspended, the being totally lose self identity and consciousness of the environment.
Later on, there is yet the need of a still body, and respiration is suspended too, the mind stills, but the being do not lose self-identity and consciousness of the environment.
Finally there is another stage, body may be moving, and breath air, mind is silent, the being is conscious of itself and of an eternal presence which seat is somehow above the physical head.
The study of the stages and progression of the ecstasy is not very common, but it shade light on the process and suggests not only a progression but even a tendency to evolve.
More exactly, there is an evolution of consciousness in it. I mention it here as a biographical coordinate and an inspiring and revelatory study for anyone to undertake.
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